I Wish that I Could Wake up with Romnesia
by hipstergendo
Summary: Mitt Romney gets a day away from his wife and goes clubbing, and meets a triangle who will change his life forever.


I Wish that I Could Wake up with Romnesia

a Bill Cipher / Mitt Romney yaoi fanfic

PROLOGUE

"Hnngh!" Mitt groaned. "not so hard!"

"sorry."

"Ahh. That feels good. So good..." he gazed deeply into the (insert color here) eyes of his wife. Wtf is her name anyway? Isn't it like Diane or something? Whatever.

"that good?"

"more lubricant."

diane dumped some more oil onto mitt's back—yes of course she was giving him a massange. What did you think? They were having sex or soemthing? Oh come on.

She used her long white fingers to massage oil into the hairy back of her husband. "did I menition that i'm going to be out of town tomorrow?"

mitt was outraged. "what? You can't just do things like that without telling me. Youre a woman."

"mitt honey it's the 21st centruy."

"i'm a republican"

She sighed. "anyway. You'll have to take care of yourself for the day."

"i can do that. I still have the servants." he smirked, like that smug anime boy smirk. "besides. I have some other plans."

CHAPTER ONE

mitt romney got all dressed up to go to the club. He put on his favorite clubbing outfit—a red polo shhirt and khakis. He looked kind of like jake from state farm. Except not as cute and jake isn't really cute to begin with so I think you see where im going with this.

He got in his cool (or as the kids would say, KOOL) limo, the one that says R-Money on the side. It has a lott of really ncie things on the inside of it too. It has a satellite radio (that mitt always keeps on the gospel channlel like 24/7), a gun rack so mitt can bring his guns everywhere, a jackuzzi filled with thousand dollar bills, and also a driver who will drive mitt whevever he wants to go.

"where do u want to go, r-money?" the driver asked him

mitt romnkey took a quick glance at his slang flashcards that he had to connect with the youth and get them to vote republican. "to DA CLUB, dawg."

thd river rolled her eyes and drove mott to the club.

Mitt got out of the KOOL limo and did not give the driver a tip because he is a replublican. He walked into the club, they were playing Same Love by the great prophet Macklemore, savior of the straight allies. A single tear rolled down mitt's cheek. Not because he was moved by the song, he was just mad that the nightclub was playing gay propagranda. Think of the children!

He walked up to the DJ booth and told the dude to play a little ted nuget. The dj put on ted nungent's new song Different Love which is all about heteropohobia and how straight men are oppressed. Mitt cheered and started dad dancing. H e was so happy. This song is his jam.

Romney was in the middle of performinging the lawn mower dance when he got a tap on the shoulder. "yo, homie," he said consulting his english-to-slang dictionary. "you're throwing off my groove." he turned around to look at this heretic who tapped him on the shoulder. And he saw... the most beautiful being on the plane.t He was big, sexy, and triangular. He was solid gold, just like Mitt Romney likes them, and wore a top hat and bow tie. So classy. So capitalist.

But the best thing about this man was his eye. That's right, just one eye. Big and at the middle of his triangular head.

"You..." Mitt yelled. He woulda whispered it sensually, but they were in a nightclub with ted nugent's Different Love blaring so he didn't have that luxiury. "You look like the top of the pyramid on the 1one dollar bill. Are you in the Illuminati?"

The triangle smirked. "Well, idk about that, but I am Illumi-naughty."

mitt got a massive boner. His 100% all red meat thermomenter stuck straight out. It was so solid, hard, and stiff that you oculd hang your coat on it. Unfortunately neither of them were wearing coats.

"i see you like that, mister romoney."

"wh-what? H-how do you know m-my name, baka?" romney blushed, holding his hands over his erect sperm-loaded machine gun.

"I know everyone's names. I am in the illuminati."

"o-oh."

"stop talking like an anime school girl. I want to let you know—and I dont want to be obtuse about it—i think you're acute man."

"you're acuter." mitt said

the triangle laughed. "i'm equilateral."

"oh."

"anywa, they call me bill cipher. You can call me bill cipher."

"okay b—WAIT!" Mitt romney gasped. "you're... a man?"

"of course! The illuminati is a sausage fest. Not that all men have sausages, but..."

what? Mitt scratched his head. What does he mean, not all men have sausages? ...whatever. He didn't care. "but you know what that means? That means we can't be together!"

the camera zooomed in on bill's face. "it's a mittastrophe."

"iKnow!"

"meh not really. I am a pansexual triangle." the camera zoomed out unsuspensfully.

"you have sex with PANS?" mitt vomitted.

"that's not what—ah whatever." he shook his triangular head. "We can still go on a date. Nobody can tell i'm a man. I' a triangle."

Mitt shook his head. "this is a sine."

"it's fine mitt."

"at least make you'reself look like a woman."

"i'm a triangle how am I going to—"

before he could finish his sentence mitt stopped him. "same way you make anyone look like a woman. Give them eyelashes and a hairbow. You already have elselashes though"

wow, bill chipper thought. That's redonkulous. But anything for mitt. He took his top hat off and put his bow tie on top of his head. He put the top hat up his anus just because it felt nice. He grunted sexually. He was kinda thankful for mitt making him do this—he never realized before that his top hat doubled as a sex toy.

"well let's go get a room and get down to business."

"you get right to the point. Or the points, rather. I have three of them."


End file.
